June 5th, 2007: Working Title

I think the reason I haven’t been able to fix the story that I’m working on is because it seems a little hollow to me. I am long-winded as hell and sometimes I think that’s a vice, but really, it can be a blessing. I mean, maybe that’s what it takes to sell the plot. I spent all day yesterday getting to know the not-so-surprisingly similar to me, Lydia Mabin and her slightly sadistic boyfriend, Robert Henderson. Here are the results of that.

Lydia:
The Basics
Full Name: Lydia Jane Mabin
Birthday: July 13, 1990
Birthplace: Austin, TX
Current Location: Baton Rouge, LA
Heritage: Welsh & German
Eye Color/Hair Color: Green/Dark Brown
Right or Left Handed: Right
Major Strength: Loyal and intelligent
Major Weakness: Grossly unsympathetic
Fears: Change, Death, Abandonment
Life Goal: travel
Dream Profession: art photographer
Actual Profession: none
Favorite Meal: corned beef and cabbage
Coffee Drinker: Strong, and black with sugar
Favorite Alcoholic Drink: vodka
Has Character Been in Love: yes
Is Character Attractive: a simple beauty
Does Character Think of Self as Attractive: extremely self-consicous
Healthy Habits: eats very little red meat
Unhealthy Habits: occasionally/recreationally drinks and smokes
Favorite Movie: donnie darko
Vices: unforgiving, distant
Tattoo(s)/ Piercing(s): none, but wants a tattoo
Number One Regret: putting grandma in the home

Robbie:
The Basics
Full Name: Robert Alan Henderson
Birthday: September 18, 1989
Birthplace: Baton Rouge, LA
Current Location: Baton Rouge, LA
Heritage: Scottish and English
Eye Color/Hair Color: Blue/Black
Right or Left Handed: Right
Major Strength: Diligence, Creativity
Major Weakness: slight insanity
Fears: Being alone, failure, no recognition or approval
Life Goal: to be loved
Dream Profession: famous painter
Actual Profession: developing film in the photo hut
Favorite Meal: Mom’s chicken delight casserole
Coffee Drinker: yes
Favorite Alcoholic Drink: anything
Has Character Been in Love: yes
Is Character Attractive: slightly. brooding and mysteriously so.
Does Character Think of Self as Attractive: not at all
Healthy Habits: none
Unhealthy Habits: smoking, drinking,
Favorite Movie: doesn’t really watch
Vices: taking things too seriously
Tattoo(s)/ Piercing(s): one tattoo grim reaper on upper left arm
Number One Regret: not taking school more seriously

Twenty-Questions with Lydia:
1. If you had a free day with no responsibilities and your only mission was to enjoy yourself, what would you do?
Take my camera down to New Orleans, pop in my headphones and see what happens.
2. What impression do you make on people when they first meet you? Howabout after they've known you for a while?
I think people think I’m stuck up at first. Or withdrawn and judgemental. But after a while, they get to me and they realize I’m just quietly curious. Whatever that means...
3. What's your idea of a good marriage? Do you think that'll happen inyour life?
A good marriage...hmm...One full of love and trust and where both partners bring something different yet equal to the partnership. I don't want to get married. Not for a while anyways.
4. What are you most proud of about your life? (If they answer withsomething other than a personal statement, like a business achievement,ask "What about on a personal level?")
I got accepted into Ringling. I can’t wait to get started.
5. What are you most ashamed of in your life? (Again, if necessary ask"What about on a personal level?")
I can’t shake this feeling that Robbie is mad at me for leaving. I know I’m doing the right thing for me but I feel awful leaving him after all he’s been through.
6. If you could spend the day with someone you admire (living or dead orimaginary), who would you pick?
Oh there’s too many. Merri Cyr is awesome. Michael Kenna, Art Kane. The list goes on and on. I’d love to follow any one of them around for a day.
7. Do you think you've turned out the way your parents expected?
Not exactly but I think my dad’s proud of me and if Mom were still here, she’d be too.
8. What do you believe about God? (If they believe in God, ask "What doyou suppose God thinks of you?")
I don’t quite know. I’m still exploring. Ask again me in ten years.
9. Is there anything you've always wanted to do but haven't done? Whatwould happen if you did it?
I’ve always wanted to sit up in the middle of class and scream at the top of my lungs. Wouldn’t that be wild?
10. What's the worst thing that's happened in your life? What did youlearn from it?
Definitely my mom’s death. I am afraid of doctors now. Those bastards, shelling out their experimental drugs as real medicine. And I really miss her.
11. Tell me about your best friend. (If you think it might beinteresting, ask "How did you meet? What do you like about this person? What do they like about you?")
Robbie’s my best friend. I love him to death. He’s so talented, it’s scary.
12. What's the worst thing you've ever done to someone? Why? ("Why" isusually a good follow-up question to any response!)
I get a knot in my stomach whenever I think about leaving Robbie for school. He’s said to me numerous times that he couldn’t live without me. Once I caught him staring at me in my sleep. Either that or he was sleeping with his eyes open. If I leave and something happens to him, I’ll never forgive myself.
13. What would you like it to say on your tombstone?
Lydia Jane. Immortal Beloved. Haha, I don’t know.
14. Describe your ideal mate.
Self-sufficient, creative, able to think deeply, intelligent, ambitious. Man, I could make quite a list.
15. What are you most afraid of?
The dark. I still sleep with a night light. I’m both scared and excited for this change.
16. What's the most important thing in your life? What do you valuemost?
My family, without a doubt.
17. What do you like best about yourself? Least?
Good question. Um, I guess that would be my ability to daydream.
18. What do you like best about [the other character]? Least?
Robbie? God, he’s so freaking talented. He’s amazing. If he could just quiet his demons for a second, he’d see the good parts.
19. How do you feel about your life right now? What, if anything, wouldyou like to change?
My life is on the verge right now. It’s either going to be the best or the worst thing that’s happened to me. If I could. I’d bring Mom back. And give Robbie some optimism. He’s so depressing sometimes.
20. Are you lying to yourself about something? What is it?
Wow. Am I lying when I say its all going to work out? Does everything happen for a reason or is it just random bits of blood and flesh colliding, like Robbie says? Sometimes, my optimism seems like a false shroud. I guess we’ll see, won’t we?

Twenty-Questions with Robbie:
1. If you had a free day with no responsibilities and your only missionwas to enjoy yourself, what would you do?
Be with Lydia. We’d take a picnic out in the country and she’d finally let me paint her.
2. What impression do you make on people when they first meet you? Howabout after they've known you for a while?
They are scared of me. After awhile, they think I’m pathetic or they feel sorry for me.
3. What's your idea of a good marriage? Do you think that'll happen inyour life?
As long as Lydia is there, it’ll be good. I don’t know.
4. What are you most proud of about your life? (If they answer withsomething other than a personal statement, like a business achievement,ask "What about on a personal level?")
I have this one painting. It’s hanging in the art hall. You should see it. My teacher said it was dark, and complex and one of the most revealing pieces of work he’d ever seen.That was pretty cool.
5. What are you most ashamed of in your life? (Again, if necessary ask"What about on a personal level?")
Where do I start? I got rejected from every single school I applied to for one. Next question.
6. If you could spend the day with someone you admire (living or dead orimaginary), who would you pick?
I’d like to get inside a tortured souls mind. Van-Gough maybe. I’d like to see the madness unfold and capture that visually. That would be mind-blowing.
7. Do you think you've turned out the way your parents expected?
Hell no.
8. What do you believe about God? (If they believe in God, ask "What doyou suppose God thinks of you?")
God is a kid with an ant farm. Fuck him.
9. Is there anything you've always wanted to do but haven't done? Whatwould happen if you did it?
I’ve been asking Lydia to let me paint her for months now. I think she’s afraid of the outcome. 10. What's the worst thing that's happened in your life? What did youlearn from it?
For christ’s sake! I do not want to talk about this.
11. Tell me about your best friend. (If you think it might beinteresting, ask "How did you meet? What do you like about this person? What do they like about you?")
Lydia is my best friend in the world. She’s my only friend. We met in Algebra class where we were partnered by the teacher. I don’t think she would have talked to me otherwise.
12. What's the worst thing you've ever done to someone? Why? ("Why" isusually a good follow-up question to any response!)
I close myself off completely sometimes and I think I really hurt my mom’s feelings doing that once. That look in her eyes will haunt me forever and ever. But nothing compares to what I am about to do.
13. What would you like it to say on your tombstone?
Here lies Robert. He couldn’t hang. So he left. I don’t know, and I don’t care.
14. Describe your ideal mate.
She’s sitting in the other room. You’ll meet her soon.
15. What are you most afraid of?
Being utterly alone and suffering. Two separate things.
16. What's the most important thing in your life? What do you valuemost?
I don’t think I even need to answer this. There’s nothing in my life now, except for the good that she brings. Without her, I am nothing.
17. What do you like best about yourself? Least?
I like the person that I am when I am with Lydia. That guy is funny and caring and creative. When I’m alone, the monsters in the black of my mind dig their claws in. They confirm the fact that I am nothing. Sometimes, I think about bashing my brains out just to shut them up.
18. What do you like best about [the other character]? Least?
Lydia has this awesome ability to go away in her mind. We call it mind-tripping. She says that’s where she works through all her problems. I wish I could do that. Instead, my problems fester in a constant consciousness until they drive me mad. She also has many people who adore her, and she can always, always find the good parts. She can be a little distant at times, but I can be too. So...
19. How do you feel about your life right now? What, if anything, wouldyou like to change?
My life is complete shit right now. I have nothing in the future for me to look forward to, my family has picked up and moved across the country, my creative impulse has waned. All I have is Lydia and she’s about to leave too. I would change lots of things. It didn’t have to be this way.
20. Are you lying to yourself about something? What is it?
Isn’t everyone? If I told you what that was, I’d have to kill you.