My Conversation with God

I'm posting this here because it's very creative for me...and silly, and abstract. For your reading pleasure, a conversation with God:

It all started with a comment I left stating:
Jul 23 2007 12:27P "i think you should draw a picture for me. of me, preferably. I'll accept stick figures and food art but no caricatures."

Jul 23, 2007 4:26 PM
dear disciple,
hey! saw u have a club....some boy club...what do u get for signing up?
incentives? discounts? free beer? oh and do you want a figure drawing of you?
if u do i need a nudy pic :) OK i don't REALLY need it, never know though, could
come in handy....or something. or i guess i could do stick people...do u wear
something all the time? u know like a charm or something?
and food sculpture...mmmm....i can cook...but...do u have an idea??
god is clueless :)

god

PS: don't forget, if u want me to damn something just tell me...."god damn_______"


Jul 24, 2007 12:30 PM

thank you for inquiring. your application is currently being processed. we do have monthly parties where we discuss yummy boys and post their pictures on each others pages. I am working on a cyborg with beer flavored nipples for the annual party next year. Will definitely keep you informed. I don't have any nudy pics but you are allowed to utilize your artistic license freely. I do wear a mayan calendar pendant around my neck all the time. Why? Do you want to bless it and make it holy? Food art. Mashed potatoes. Definitely.

*I then made a membership card for him to the yummy boys club and posted it
on his site with this message "congratulations! you've been accepted and elected treasurer!"

Aug 2, 2007 1:26 PM
RE: god damn fluctuating hormones
dear horny fluctuation,
what are u scared of?
censored,
god

Aug 2, 2007 1:35 PM
the gospel according to greta
oh boy!
what am i scared of? I'll make you a list:
sharks(big phobia), the dark, collapsing bridges, meteorites,
getting fat, wrinkles, death of loved ones, being smoten, disfigurement,
strangers, animals that can sound like people, children who speak like adults,
hm... I'm thinking...what else...illness, dragons, i guess that's it.
may i have a promotion to prophet?
thanks,
greta


Aug 2, 2007 2:20 PM
god doesn't know what "smoten" is. god is scared of knowledge.
shhh...secrets are sexy. and so is a space prophet. congradulations!
you need a long thick staff

the almighty

PS: dragons are god's bitches


Aug 2, 2007 4:08 PM
the prophet greta doesn't know what smoten really is either, but when i find out
I'll not tell thee. secret space prophet greta to the rescue!

Aug 2, 2007 3:49 PM
god is in the bathroom.


Aug 2, 2007 5:03 PM
dear god,
i hope everything comes out alright.
g


Aug 2, 2007 4:25 PM
ya it came out with sparkles! good times in the "jon"
OK i really need to go home.

i love Chinese! i want an animal...wait for it...wait for it...SHEEP!
you can thank me for Al Gore and the Internet inventing...thing.

http://chinese.astrology.com/sheep.html

scary accurate, but i don't primp...naturally kick ass.
pretty nice last night to the other gods, except that john smith guy.
fucking Mormon. :)

god


Aug 3, 2007 9:34 AM
haha! You should be a new age teacher! So it says. I agree.
Mine says I would make a great brain surgeon. eat that.
I primp constantly. Two peas in a pod.
So funny that this would be topic of discussion as this morning on the radio,
a numerologist was on and saying 2008 was going to be a great year for cancers.
How exciting!
Here is your horoscope for today:
You might be excited about beginning a new project, but you are better off now
building on something that you have already started. You will gain more in the
long run by paying attention to the details, and then incorporating what you know
into your current efforts. Don't just assume that you can do everything by yourself;
asking others for help makes more sense than making a mess.

Can god come out to play?

Aug 3, 2007 8:52 AM
good morning :) u shouldn't primp...naturally bad ass.
god wants to play...but...you never know what the future holds,
and when god might be on your door step! but for now i
hope that boy is sweet to you. karate chop! peace out pod body.

god-really random this morning

Aug 3, 2007 10:39 AM
that was supposed to be pod buddy. pea pod...ya sorry
i am running from office to dock loading trailers. so i write a sentence and
come back. and off again! prophets are automatically married to god. :)

Aug 3, 2007 12:44 PM
ha. i like pod body too. a little sci-fi...ish.
but pod buddy is naturally kick ass of course.
why run when you can just fly? or appear?

Aug 3, 2007 2:12 PM
i used to just appear, but i found myself appearing nude with a top hat.
little embarrassing on Sunday at church. and u know i was drunk if i was in church.
so i took up flying, and i was flying until a month ago when the FAA pulled my
privileges...i can kill a case and fly...no worries mon

Aug 3, 2007 4:51 PM
oh! that's where my hat went!
May i take a sabbatical to pursue a career as a sausage historian?
I just love bratwurst.

Aug 5, 2007 9:52 AM
you should definitely study bratwurst,
alot.
myself, i love some delicate peach pie. could lay around and eat all day...
of course with your top hat on.

*This is when I leave a comment saying something to the effect of (use your imagination):
[pic of bratwurst]+[pic of peach pie]=[pic of frolicking unicorn]*

Aug 6, 2007 12:14 PM
uh....sausage + _______?_____= a horny pony ride(ha)...
the one picture didn't pop up...or is it time to whip it out...the algebra :)

Aug 6, 2007 12:11 PM
god damn silly hot linking bans. I'm a-fixin it.
you're the math wiz... i do words.

*And then I go to his page and leave this comment: "what are you talking about?
I see everything quite clearly. It reads
bratwurst+peach pie=happy unicorn.

figures the establishment would be working with such out of date equipment."*

Aug 6, 2007 12:14 PM
can't believe i am all knowing and i forgot the pie...pie is VERY important.
are u at work? what type of work do u do again...sorry, god had alot of pot
this weekend

Aug 6, 2007 2:29 PM
i am a lady of the night. the moneys great but the people are shite.
OK seriously? I work at a catering company's office.
Trying to find out more about the worms that some places use instead of throwing
all that food away. My only question is what do you do with the compost when
the worms are done with it? I'd rather give it to homeless people but don't want
to deal with them. They're mean!

What did you ask me again?

Aug 6, 2007 1:37 PM
how much lady...of the night...ya how much.
mean homeless people...that's what u can do with the worms. roof top and
a bucket...aim for the boxers...boxers...arr boxes
compost is awesome for growing pot...or maybe a more useful plant...but they spring
up like crazy
who's your daddy...that what i told Mary, mother of Jesus before i tanned her hide

Aug 6, 2007 2:57 PM
bout 20% lady, 89% ball buster
one time a guy chased me naked with a chainsaw. he was naked, not me.
i had my top hat on.
we should be traveling comedians. we're so silly.

Aug 6, 2007 2:02 PM
traveling comedians? sure...but i get to chase you when u have your
top hat on. and i am doing the books, cuz 20% + 89% = 109%....i can see you
dividing your cut out now...

Aug 6, 2007 3:21 PM
well i am considering publishing this. so just notify your lawyer.
i know the math was off....i am just naturally kick ass like that.
i have our first act down already, i sing 'here comes the sun, doodoodoodoo'
and you make funny looking animals and then sacrifice them.
GOD AND THE PROPHET GRETA! ONE NIGHT ONLY!.....that makes me want to make a flyer
.... why did you ask me what i was scared of days ago?

Aug 6, 2007 2:40 PM
that's hilarious! people are starring now...oh well.(laughing quieter now)...
i like it

Aug 6, 2007 3:44 PM
i laughed out loud imagining you laughing out loud.
i thought you were sculpting my food portrait...hmph.
on an unrelated note, i cut my ankle a couple days back and it still hurts.
could you please heal it? thanks.

Aug 6, 2007 2:53 PM
food sculpture...hmmm...honestly not good at it...i was trying to do something
for ya though. waiting...for...i don't know...started though.
i noticed something though. your face is awfully close to Natalie....star wars
chick...peow! peow!
my brother in law's family told me Windex fixes everything...DON'T TRY IT THOUGH.
they are from the deep hills. or u can come up here and i can preform a
healing ceremony.

Aug 6, 2007 3:41 PM
this is gonna take me longer than i thought. trying to compile these so
i can publish them but its gonna take me a minute to remove all of the
drug references...actually, i think I'll leave them in.
i like the idea of god smoking pot.
wow. i just had a brain fart. got a contact high from
writing the mere word. stop erasing my responses. its easier.
as for the Windex, i was wondering...does that cure hangovers as well?
if so, how do you apply it?
i look like Natalie portman? kewel! never heard that one.
who do people tell you you look like?

Aug 6, 2007 3:57 PM
i look like god silly. actually, nobody specific, but i remind everyone of someone they know. as far as windex application, i would dowse a towel, wrap my head. wear goggles. actually wear goggles tommorow anyways/eitherway. publishing? danger. now i will have to edit a little more. mabey. fuck it, repricusions...pfff

Aug 6, 2007 4:06 PM
pfff, goggles. i love goggles. especially the dorky clear ones we used to have to wear in chemistry. i can't think of anyone either. maybe i'll try that face recognition software tomorrow. i've already farted around enough for today. thanks for playing! you've won a 1979 pinto. (actually wanted to put the kind of car Garth drove in Wayne's World but i cant remember what kind it was.tell me please.) wroteasongaboutitliketohearit?hereitgo:

Aug 6, 2007 4:19 PM
i used to wear a pear of red nerd goggles in the shower to keep soap out. my mom has a pic, apparently i used to wear them upside down all the time. amc pacer...the Mirf mobile....now u owe me. face recognition software eh? tell me more ye trusted deciple lady of the dark.