July 5th: Some Questions

uh-oh. I am in trouble. I've been neglecting you, imaginary reader. Please accept my apologies for my absence and for what I am about to embark on. Someone posted this bulletin on myspace and it got me thinking.

Original Bulletin:
Why do we sleep in church,but when the ceremony is over we suddenly wake up?Why is it so hard to talk about God,but so easy to talk about sex?Why are we so bored when we look at a Christian magazine,but find it easy to read Playboy?Why is it so easy to ignore a Godly myspace message,Yet we repost the nasty ones?Why are churches getting smaller,But bars and clubs are growing?Think about it, are you going to repost this?Are you going to ignore it, cause you think you'll get laughed at?Just remember God is always watching you.Repost this as "Don't read if you're under 13...seriously."80 % of you wont repost this.The Lord said:"If you deny me infront of your friends,I will deny you in front of my father".


Wow. Let me dissect this please.
1. We sleep in church because church is boring. duh. What is the alternative to waking up when the ceremony is over? Continuing to sleep? I don't understand the latter part of this question.
2. Quite the contrary, God is not hard to talk about. Sex is a little difficult. Maybe the easy answer here would be we know nothing of God and lots about sex. More importantly, why do God and sex have to be seperate things?
3. Who reads Christian magazines anyways? Maybe Christian magazines should hire better editors. Also, Playboy has awesome short stories.
4. What the hell is a Godly myspace message? That makes me laugh.
5. I do not know of any church that is getting smaller. All I see are big, huge churches with neon signs and flashing lights being built. Better question: Why do churches need flashing lights and scrolling marquees? Isn't there something in the bible prohibiting that? Maybe if we could drink and dance in church, we'd go more often. They could charge a cover.
6. I've thought about it... a lot. I won't repost because I'm afraid of getting laughed at. I simply do not agree and think that this bulletin was poorly wrote. (yes, wrote)
7. Why can't people under 13 read this? I don't understand. Could it be because no one would want someone under 13 to read something bad? Why would you try and trick people into reading a "godly" myspace message by implying that this is a nasty one?
8. Really? The Lord said that? Where? That's not very Christ-like of him.

Most Christians now-a-days are not very Christ like and that is my major problem.
I also have a bunch of integrity and trust issues with a two-thousand year old book written by man, and many, many questions that not even a catechism teacher could answer. Like...

1. Why is knowledge a bad thing ?
2. Why is sex a bad thing?
3. Why is it bad to ask questions?
4. What about Lilith and what happened to her?
5. How is it possible to live 969 years?
6. Are we all products of incest?
7. Why is it ok to kill animals and people for sacrifice?
8. What's wrong with coveting something?
9. Why can't we work on the sabbath?
10. Why is slavery ok?
11. Is jealousy godly?

And I am just recalling from memory the first two books. AND I dont feel particularly well today. So there. Answer me those. Then I'll come to church.